Evening Embers

By the time Evening Program ends, the loudest part of camp is over.

Campers stop by the Dining Hall for milk and cookies before making their way back to their cabins. Showers begin. Toothbrushes come out. The pace of camp finally starts to slow.

Then the boys gather on the cabin floor for Evening Embers as a single candle is lit in the middle of the circle.

No two Evening Embers look exactly alike. Some counselors begin with a question. Others read a passage of Scripture. Some simply ask the boys to reflect on their day. However it begins, every cabin ends the day together.

Every Boy Gets a Chance

The conversation in Cabin One usually begins with a simple question.

“What was your rose, your bud, and your thorn today?”

For counselor Hank, the question is simply a starting point. Throughout the day, he’s paying attention to what the boys are excited about, what they’re struggling with, and what they keep talking about. By the time Evening Embers begins, he usually knows where the conversation needs to go.

Sometimes the boys celebrate a great day. Other nights they process disappointment together. During the June Camp, the swim test became a regular topic as campers encouraged one another through one of the week’s biggest challenges.

We don’t force anyone to say anything, but we give everyone the chance to be heard,” Hank said.

That only works because everyone knows the expectations.

No talking when someone else is talking. No laughing at people.

The counselors try to model that same respect.

We’ll say, ‘That’s hard for me too, but we’re on each other’s team.’ We try to grow empathy without making anyone feel bad for needing help because we’ll all need it at some point during the month.

Counselors Go First

Every counselor leads Evening Embers a little differently, but they all agreed on one thing: boys are much more willing to open up when counselors are willing to do the same.

For Paul Heydenrych from South Africa, a counselor in Cabin 20, that begins each night with a Bible verse. Sometimes he chooses the passage. Other nights, the boys do. Either way, it’s become such an important part of their routine that the campers notice if it’s missing.

The boys get upset if I don’t,” he laughed.

But Paul says the verse is only the beginning. Evening Embers is really about creating a space where boys and counselors can slow down together after a full day at camp.

It’s nice to sit down with the people I live with and relax. Open up and share a part of yourself. It’s a place and time where you can get help from counselors and friends.

That starts with the counselors. Paul has found that if he wants campers to be honest, he has to be willing to be honest first.

The best part of Evening Embers is I get to share something about me or tell something someone might not know about me. It’s a refreshing part of the day because the boys get to know you and you get to know them.

As the weeks goes on, those conversations begin to change. Campers who were hesitant on the first night become more comfortable speaking up, and Paul has discovered that his role isn’t always to solve a problem or offer advice.

When the boys are sharing or opening up, it can be challenging because some of what they say makes you want to respond. I am learning to just listen to the whole story first and put myself in their shoes. Everyone was 12 or 13 once and not so open to advice.

Jacob Breed from Fort Payne Alabama, 2nd year cabin counselor, knows there isn’t always a way to measure the impact of an Evening Embers conversation.

Most nights, the boys simply head to bed. The candle is blown out, the cabin grows quiet, and another camp day comes to an end. It would be easy to assume those conversations stay inside the cabin.

But every once in a while, Jacob gets a reminder that they don’t.

Earlier this summer, a former camper came back to Falling Creek and told Jacob about one of their Evening Embers conversations from the year before.

He told me one of our Evening Embers from last year helped him change his friend group at home because he realized he didn’t want what they had to offer him anymore. He wanted to go in a different direction. You just never know.

Moments like that have changed the way Jacob thinks about his role as a counselor.

I can teach boys how to rock climb. Evening Embers is when I get to hear what they’re thinking.

He knows not every camper is ready to share something deeply personal, and that’s okay. Some boys simply reflect on their day. Others listen more than they talk. What matters is that every camper has the opportunity to hear different perspectives, wrestle with questions about character and faith, and realize they aren’t the only one trying to figure things out.

Bringing Camp Home

One hope counselors have for the boys: Evening Embers doesn’t have to end when camp does.

The counselors don’t expect families to recreate camp. There doesn’t have to be a candle in the middle of the room or everyone sitting on a cabin floor. What they hope campers take home is something much simpler: the habit of slowing down long enough to really listen to one another.

Jacob knows it might feel a little awkward at first.

If the norm isn’t established at home, they’ll probably roll their eyes at first,” he said with a laugh. “But push through. They want to talk.

The conversations don’t have to be profound. They can begin with simple questions.